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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916664">s4 oneshots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueOranges/pseuds/BlueOranges'>BlueOranges</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigeonpi/pseuds/pigeonpi'>pigeonpi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Splatoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>:), Angst, Army is a light sleeper, Cursed, Homicidal Sleepwalking, How is that not a tag, I mean someone does die, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Paranoia, Should’ve triple checked Army, Skull you’re going to give Army a heart attack, Sleepwalking, but its only for the joke im so sorry, chapter on crack, he’ll be fine, intruder, literally a bunch of headcannons made into oneshots, scratch what we said earlier, someone else dies and it isnt funny, the S4 might go bye bye :), the major character death is not to be taken seriously, was that really the first actual tag?, we think he will</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:16:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueOranges/pseuds/BlueOranges, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigeonpi/pseuds/pigeonpi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
            <p>read the chapter title, fool.</p>
          </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aloha/Army/Mask/Skull (Splatoon), Poly S4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. skull frickin dies-</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>read the chapter title, fool.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Skull opened his eyes with some difficultly, he felt so tired. He grunted as he pulled himself up. Wait this wasn’t his room. And what was the pain in his stomach?</p><p>skull: where am i?</p><p>mask: the hoooospital.</p><p>Skull turned to see the other three. Mask was playing on his phone with Aloha napping on his lap and a pissed off Army sitting next to them.</p><p>skull, looking confused: why...?</p><p>Army threw his hands up in the air.</p><p>army: YOU ATE EXPIRED SWEETS agAIN-</p><p>Skull: oh...</p><p>Huh, that’s why his stomach hurt.</p><p>Army: HOW ARE YOU SO CALM</p><p>skull, looking off into the distance: it was worth it. those sweets tasted wonderful....</p><p>army: SKULL NO</p><p>They went home later that day, the doctor giving Skull the all clear to go home. Army didn’t say anything as they took the train home since Skull was the only one who drove the car the four had. Everything went on as normal...until two days later.</p><p>Aloha: ARMY HES GOING TO DIE GET THE PHONE</p><p>Army: good maybe he’ll learn a lesson</p><p>Mask, trying to carry Skull: ARMY</p><p>Army:... no</p><p>With the back and forth of “ARMY!” and “...no” going on for several minutes, the expired candy took it’s toll on our beloved e-liter main and he died. </p><p>Mask: Skull? Skull?! Holy carp he’s dead!</p><p>Army: hm, serves him right for continuously eating expired candy.</p><p>Mask was shocked and felt tears coming up: Army he’s dead!</p><p>Aloha pulled out his phone. </p><p>Mask: Aloha I swear to co-</p><p>Aloha whispered: This is so sad...</p><p>The soft tune of calamari inkantation played through the air, and the S4 became the S2.</p><p>Because Mask killed Aloha—</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ticklish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>edit later uhh</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aloha was baking today. There was flour everywhere, and as much as Aloha didn’t want to admit it, the kitchen was an absolute mess.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask sighed. He was probably going to get dragged into cleaning the kitchen… again. He was sitting at the kitchen, watching as Aloha tried to balance a bag of flour, some sugar, and baking powder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aw cARP-” Aloha yelped in alarm, tripping over something that was on the floor. He fell, and the baking supplies he was carrying went up in the air. They came back down, and there was a puff of what Mask assumed was flour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask got up. “Alooooha?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pink party squid got back up. His visor was missing, and he had an annoyed expression on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the best part… was that Aloha was <em>covered</em> in flour. He looked ridiculous.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask started to laugh quietly to himself at the sight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aloha groaned. “There’s flour <em>everywhere!</em> This is gonna be a pain to clean…” he whined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that, Mask really couldn’t mute his laughter for any longer. He started laughing harder, bending over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aloha shot him a glare. “Hey, don’t laugh at my suffering!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask really couldn’t stop. Aloha really just looked ridiculous!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Youuu -hah- loooook stuuuupid!” He snorted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aloha approached Mask, and hugged him, getting flour on the cyan squid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now you look stupid!” Aloha laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask tried to struggle out of his grasp. “Leeeet meee gooooo!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aloha just grinned wider. “Nope~!” One of his hands moved to Mask’s side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask could sense impending doom. “Alooooha, dooon’t you <em>daaaare!</em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aloha started tickling Mask. Mask squirmed, trying not to laugh again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They fell to the floor, and now Aloha was tickling Mask with both hands, laughing as he did so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alooooha -ahaha- stooooop!” Mask started laughing again, tears coming to his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aloha smiled. “Nope~! Your laugh is just too cute, Masky~!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask was still trying to escape the clutches of his pink panther. “Aloooha, stoooop! Armyyy and Skuuull -ahaha- will -hic- be baaack anyyy momeeent now!” He protested, wiggling around desperately.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sure they’ll wanna hear your cute laugh too~!” Aloha said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carp. Well, there goes that plan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nooot -hic- cute!” Mask tried and failed to scowl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aloha redoubled his efforts to tickle Mask. “Sure it is~! The little hiccups make it even better~”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mask couldn’t even come up with a retort. He was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face, and his stomach really hurt from the effort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually, Aloha spared Mask, climbing off of the poor cyan squid. “I need to finish baking… but I’ll tickle you later.” Aloha winked at him, walking back to his baking disaster.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>4. sleepwalk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>army wakes up to see someone in his doorway.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warning: character death. this is not a drill, this is not a joke. someone dies, it is sad.</p><p>sorry im not good at titles uhhh -pidge</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Army awoke to the sound of his door opening. He opened his eyes, blinking blearily. It was dark, which meant it was probably three in the morning, or something. </p><p> </p><p>There was a silhouette in his doorway. Creepy.</p><p> </p><p>"Who's there?" Army called out. </p><p> </p><p>No response. Well, that was certainly foreboding. </p><p> </p><p>The shadow was too short to be Skull, so it was either Aloha or Mask.</p><p> </p><p>He tried calling out again. "Mask? Aloha?" The haze of sleep was still affecting him, he <em>had </em>just woken up.</p><p> </p><p>Finally Army saw the faint glow of pink, and sighed in relief. Only one of the three was a firefly squid... and had pink ink.</p><p> </p><p>“Aloha you scared me, what are you doing up?”</p><p> </p><p>The sergeant shifted nervously in bed as he received no response. Aloha just stood there.</p><p> </p><p>“Aloha, are you alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“...”</p><p> </p><p>Army let out a nervous laugh, "haha, you got me, really...scary Aloha. You can stop now.”</p><p> </p><p>“...”</p><p> </p><p>Aloha took slow strides towards the other, his eyes were closed. Army understood why he was acting so weird.</p><p> </p><p>“Sleepwalking again,” he muttered, getting out of bed and meeting the other halfway.</p><p> </p><p>The oranges toned inkling was about to guide the other back to his room, when it happened.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn't even noticed that Aloha had been holding something, which was a big mistake, and his last mistake.</p><p> </p><p>Aloha was holding a knife. </p><p> </p><p>Aloha moved suddenly, giving Army no time to react.</p><p> </p><p>Army felt a sharp pain in his stomach, and the orange inkling gasped in pain.</p><p> </p><p>Army looked down to see a knife sticking out of his stomach. He looked up at Aloha's face. It was blank. Scarily expressionless. </p><p> </p><p>His orange ink started to drip slowly out of the wound.</p><p> </p><p>"A-Aloha? W-why?" He gasped, tears starting to stream down his face. He reached his hand up in an attempt to touch the other's face. "A-Aloha, its just a d-dream. W-wake up, please!"</p><p> </p><p>Nothing. No reaction. </p><p> </p><p>Army tried again. "A-Aloha!" He swatted weakly at the pink inkling. "W-wake up!" </p><p> </p><p>Cod, everything hurt. He knew that stomach wounds could be fatal, but it would take at least a couple of hours. If he didn't wake Aloha up, then he would definitely have to scream for help.</p><p> </p><p>...if he still could, at that point.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A groan came from the purple beast as he awoke from his slumber. Who in the world was playing calamari inkantation at a time like this? The time being around 3 AM, that’s all Skull could see on his clock anyways.</p><p>“Cod damn it...”</p><p>Skull got up from his bed, putting on his bandana before walking out of his room to the source of the music. He saw a peculiar sight.</p><p>Army’s door, open, not closed like the sergeant liked it.</p><p>Odd.</p><p>A door opened to the right of Skull, and out came Mask, who wore a dust blocker. He looked like he rolled out of bed as well.</p><p>“Youuuu hear the music toooooo?”</p><p>Skull nodded.</p><p>Both crept towards the doorway, and there they saw it.</p><p>At first, they didn’t want to believe it. But with one of your lovers dead and the other standing over their mutilated corpse, you kind of have to.</p><p>“A...Aloha what the fuck have you done?!”</p><p>Mask couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move. It was all happening so fast. Skull tackled Aloha, Army is dead, Aloha managed to cut Skull’s forearm, Army is dead, Skull took the knife, Army is dead.</p><p>Army is dead.</p><p>And that stupid music was still playing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Blu: uhh the reason why calamari plays is because I head canon when Aloha is in an uncomfortable/sad situation he just...pulls out his phone and plays it.</p><p>pidge: mask made an app that plays different parts of the song and aloha somehow got his hands on it</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>5. Bump In the Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Due to him being a light sleeper, Army wakes up in the middle of the night after hearing a slight sound in the house.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Blu: hng- chapter names,,</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Army's eyes shot open and he quickly sat up in his bed. His orange eyes darting around his room. The sergeant clung to the sleeve of his shirt as he moved out of bed quietly, his socks protecting him from the cold floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Had someone broken in?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army's breath hitched as the thought came into his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Surely not, who would be insane enough to come into the house with four S rankers?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'A lot more people than you think," his mind told him as he opened the door to his room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was risky, if someone were in the house their eyes were more adjusted than his to the dark. Shaking his head, Army reassured himself that he would surely see a light from a flashlight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But what if there were two? Or three?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army's mind attacked him with outcomes that could happen, yet he ventured on. With his eyes becoming more adjusted to the dark, he took some time to inspect his surroundings. Nothing was out of place as far as he could tell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually he had gotten to the living room. Despite not seeing anything he felt vulnerable, like something was watching him. The orange tone inkling felt his breath speed up and he tried to calm it down, but luck wasn't on his side. He was hyperventilating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Someone's here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Someone's in the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't check it properly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If the other three die it's <em> his </em> fault.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dear cod why didn't he triple check the house when they were all awake?!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Those thoughts just kept running around in his head as he descended further into his panic. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was starting feeling a bit better when he heard a voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Over here!" </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carp, there was someone here! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army jumped, turning towards the voice's origin. He couldn't see anyone, but that made it much worse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What was he supposed to do? He didn't even know where the intruder was!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't have a weapon, the intruder was going to kill him. And then he'd kill Aloha and Mask and Skull and it was all his fault because he didn't check the house the third time oh cod no please-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A crash sounded. It sounded like something had fallen to the floor. The crash was coming from the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army's mind raced as he tried to come up with a plan of attack. His brain was going too fast for him to gather his thoughts into a single line, and all of his thoughts were rocketing around his brain like ping pong balls.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The one thing he did catch onto was the fact that there were <em>two</em> people in the house. One person was in the kitchen, and the other was somewhere in the living room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He felt his throat tighten as he struggled to get a feel for where the two were. Why hadn't the other three woken up? Surely they would have heard that yell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unless they were already dead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army didn't move, and his blood went cold. No, they couldn't be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, he was able to detect the two, their movements. He could see their every move.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like the special echo-locator had been released from its' gauge and wrapped it's way around the waists of the intruders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army's breath hitched, one was right there, ten feet away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army remembered the room, the plans laid out in his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The coffee table and love seat in front of him with the big couch to the right, behind that was the first intruder. Army's ears perked up a bit as he remembered the bookcase behind him. How could he have forgot? He reads a book out of it at least once a day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the intruder shuffled around the room, thankfully to the side Army wasn't on, Army quietly pulled a book from its' place. If he calculated it right, he'd be able to knock the other on the head and he'd hopefully fall over. It'd give enough time for Army to pounce.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the other person in the kitchen would surely hear the commotion and rush to help his partner in crime. Sometimes thinking is too hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a little strange how calm Army suddenly felt, it was like the fear of being killed had been melted away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>While he was stuck in his mind, he didn't pay any attention to the movements of the intruders, the temporary echo-locator like ability slowly fading away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army felt a hand grip his forearm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nevermind, the fear came back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He turned to see who had grabbed his arm, yanking his arm out of the intruder's grasp and throwing the book in that general direction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The book hit, and there was a groan of pain accompanied with an 'ow'. Army blinked in surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Skull?" Oh carp. He hit his boyfriend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The bandanna-less purple inkling stared at him. "Army... what are you doing up?" He said quietly, rubbing his forehead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army shushed him. "Skull we have to be careful! There's still someone in the kitchen and-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Skull interrupted him. "I was just in the kitchen, Army. Its fine." He patted Army's head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wait, he was just in the kitchen? Then who was in the living room?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"There's someone in the living room, Skull!" Army protested quietly. "I heard them say 'over here'!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Skull gave him a weird look. "Army... are you sure? I didn't hear anything."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army stared at the taller inkling. "No way," he whispered. Skull had better hearing than he did, so he definitely should've heard the voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Skull grabbed the orange inkling's hands. "Do you want me to check?" He asked softly. Army could feel the panic rise in him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No no no the intruder would kill Skull! He couldn't let that happen!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Love?" Skull interrupted his thoughts. "Are you okay?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army looked at him, panic still evident in his eyes. "I... can we go together?" His voice broke in the middle of the sentence. Skull's eyes softened, and he smiled. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah. Let's go." They headed over to the couch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>...there was no one there. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army was relieved for a second, but then the fear hit him full force when he realized that the intruder might have just moved. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He started to hyperventilate again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were going to die, and it was his fault. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why didn't he bring the book with him? At least then he'd have a weapon! The intruder was probably about to jump them, oh cod, no no no-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Army?" Skull's voice broke through again. "I checked the room. There's no one here."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Army looked at Skull. "Really? Are you positive?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Skull nodded. "Yeah. Its okay, Army."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The orange inkling wasn't completely convinced. He started to walk around the house, checking every door and window, making sure that no one had gone in or out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank cod.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He went back to bed, waving to Skull as they separated, going to their separate rooms. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He put some music on, and closed his eyes...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>...not hearing the noise coming from the living room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>6. the cursed thing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The S4 stay at Full Moon and Jersey's place after Army burns down their house. ...some weird stuff happens.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yeah implied sexual content uh yup mhm i tried to make it vague but yeah... that worked horribly. im so sorry. this is so cursed. -pidge</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Army burned down the house that the S4 lived in, they all ended up moving into Full Moon and Jersey’s place, much to Army’s dismay.</p><p> </p><p>Full Moon and Jersey gave them their spare room, which meant… there was only one bed for all of them to sleep on. Which was fine, of course. They were happy to sleep together.</p><p> </p><p>It was just… well, the bed was big. Normally, no one would be bothered by that, but Army was disturbed. Those two must have gotten the bed, expecting them to stay here. He knew that the two loved… writing and drawing about him and the rest of his boyfriends, but this… this weirded him out. He wasn’t going to complain though, he was nice and warm at night. He pondered getting a bed for all of them to sleep on together when they got another place.</p><p> </p><p>Army was further disturbed when he spotted a camera in the corner of the bathroom. At first, it had looked like a bug, but upon closer inspection and consultation from Mask, the ‘bug’ turned out to be a camera. Once Army and Mask had explained that to the other two, Aloha immediately flushed bright pink, looking over at Skull. Skull, of course, kept a neutral face.</p><p> </p><p>When they went to Full Moon and Jersey to confront them about the camera, they were weirdly dismissive and vague about the camera.</p><p> </p><p>“Are there more cameras?” Army had asked them. He had gotten no response, other than the clacks from Full Moon’s keyboard.</p><p> </p><p>Army devoted himself to searching for cameras for the next few days, but came up empty. Which meant one of two things. Either there were no more cameras, which was <em>highly</em> unlikely, or the cameras were too well hidden.</p><p> </p><p>It turned out to be neither of those things.</p><p> </p><p>One night, the S4 were going at it, and Army happened to glance up at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>Full Moon’s eyes met his.</p><p> </p><p>He looked back down immediately, distracted by what Skull was doing, but the image was in his head.</p><p> </p><p>He forgot it a couple of minutes later when nope im not writing this nope there isn’t any way i can make this vague</p><p> </p><p>He woke up the next morning, and as soon as he glanced up at the ceiling, he remembered.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw Full Moon last night. She was filming us… er…” Army trailed off, looking up at his partners.</p><p> </p><p>Mask had looked pissed, Aloha had looked slightly self-conscious, and Skull…</p><p> </p><p>…Skull had gone and asked for the tape. He ended up with two, because apparently Jersey had been filming as well. Just from a different angle.</p><p> </p><p>Cod.</p><p> </p><p>There had also been one time that there had been a pair of handcuffs left on their bed. Along with a couple of yards of rope.</p><p> </p><p>Army just stared at it in disgust, and added it to the growing pile of ‘gifts’ that was beside their bed.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Aloha got drugged with some… pill, and spent an entire evening cuddling and whining, Army convinced the rest that it was time to move out.</p><p> </p><p>They moved out the next morning, as soon as Full Moon and Jersey left the house.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if youre wondering why army burned the house down....</p><p>"sHE'S IN THE WALLS-"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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